I Need A Spiritual Bailout -

This morning I went to a friend's house to meet up with him and go to a juvenile detention facility to mentor teens in need. My friend got sick last night and was unable to go. Since this was to be my first trip, we agreed it would be better to not go by myself.

As I was returning home I was pulled over for not wearing my seat belt. I also have expired tags on the car, as I am still unemployed since returning from Iraq and can't afford to pay DMV what is owed. I also found out that I have an unpaid ticket from 2007 that I was honestly unaware of, thinking that I had paid the speeding ticket, and therefore my licence is suspended.

The officers were very kind and courteous. I was very respectful to them, and they to me. I told them the truth, and they were kind enough not to haul me off to jail. They told me what to do in order to get this taken care of. The only issue is I still do not have the money to do the right thing.

At the end of my time in Iraq I became very depressed, almost suicidal. This didn't get better as soon as I arrived home, but has been an ongoing process. I've had my ups and downs.

Two weeks after I arrived home a 17 year old attempted to rape my 12 year old daughter while she was babysitting at a home in our neighborhood. We decided for the safety of our children we had to move, and move NOW. As it turns out, the boy was not punished by the legal system, only getting probation.

Just over a month after we moved, this same boy and another broke into our then empty house and did thousands in vandalism. The officers were not able to prove anything, as they couldn't get any usable fingerprints. This was payback for having reporting him to the authorities.

We were finally able to sell the house last month, but 14 years of equity are gone, and we emerged owing nothing, but having nothing to show either.

Meanwhile I've been going to counseling for the depression, continue with AA, and things in general were looking up. I had a promising job interview and was told that the company is going to hire me, as long as I can get and keep a top secret clearance. Now with our credit mangled from the house, and now this issue with my licence, that seems more and more unlikely.

I'm trying to remain positive, keep active and continue my sobriety. Today is one of THOSE days, and it is tough. I think I am a good man, but a flawed and imperfect man. I know that life isn't fair, and it never will be. I do sincerely want to do the next right thing, but feel overwhelmed at the moment. I'm not asking for pity, nor do I expect it, but I sure could use some encouragement.

My beautiful wife has been sympathetic, and more than patient as I try to overcome my problems. I worry that I have become a horrible example for our children. It's hard to say if in dealing with my depression that I have done all I can do to the best of my ability. So I might be in denial, or I might be doing the best I can with what I have at the moment. I'm usually the last person to KNOW something about myself.